One Liners

Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen.
Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?
Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband.
Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
***
Q: What is the lightest thing in the world?
A: A penis...even a thought can raise it.
***
There's a scream from the bedroom. Santa runs in and there's a guy leaping out of the window.
His wife, Jeeto, says, ''Whaa! That guy just f**ed me twice!''
Santa says, ''Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he f**ked you once?''
Jeeto says, ''Because I thought it was you...until he started for the second one.''
***
A lady says to the psychiatrist, ''I think I might be a nymphomaniac.''
He says, ''I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour.''
She says, ''How much for all night?''
***
Banta and Preeto had got married, and she was at the drug store looking at the men's toiletries. A clerk comes up to help her and asks if she needs assistance.
''I'm looking for some deodorant for my husband, but I don't know what type he uses.''
The clerk says, ''Is it the ball type?''
''No,'' says Preeto, it's for his underarms.''
***
Q: A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
A: He replied, ''Depends, if I can find a phone.''
***
Q: What's the best thing about a blowjob?
A: Ten minutes of peace and quiet.
***
One day a wife of a hunter found him with his lover. She took a gun and aimed it at her husband's testicles.
The hunter, ''Stop! Don't do that! It's unfair! You don't give me a chance to save!''
The wife, ''Ok, sway them to and fro.''
***
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.
***
Q: How is college like a woman ?
A: You work so hard to get in, and nine months later you wish you'd never come.

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