One Liners

Boy: Dad, what did you wear for safe sex?
Father: A wedding ring.
***
''I'm trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie, but there are just too many holes in the plot.'' - J. Hutter
***
In the clubhouse one-woman golfer said to another, ''I got injured between the first and second hole.''
''That's a bitch,'' said the other woman, ''You will never get a band aid to stick there!''
***
Q: Why did they kick the midget out of the nudist colony?
A: He kept sticking his nose in everyone else's business!
***
Q: What is the definition of old age?
A: When it takes the whole night to do what you used to do the whole night!
***
Q: Why do 99% of the girls have a bigger left breast?
A: Because,...99% of the guys are right handed!
***
David, ''So, Mike, how's it going with the ladies?''
''Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects,'' said Mike.
David asked, ''Really?'' ''Yep,'' said Mike, ''whenever I mention sex, they object.''
***
A man approaches a woman and says, ''I'd really like to get into your pants.''
The woman replies, ''No thanks, there's an ass in there already.''
***
Q: What's the difference between a wife and a job.
A: After 5 years, the job still sucks.
***
''Darling,'' she whispered after they had finished making love, ''Will you still make love like that to me after we're married?''
He considered this for a moment, and then replied, ''I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women.''

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