One Liners

One blonde tells another blonde: ''I've done a pregnancy test.''
Asks the other blonde: ''And, were the questions difficult?''
***
''Great, just what I need,'' she moaned as he brought home a new microwave oven. ''One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.''
***
It has been studied and determined that the most often used Sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs...And the wife rolls over and plays dead.
***
Q: What's the best form of birth control after 50?
A: Nudity.
***
Q: What's the difference between a bar and a G spot?
A: Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
***
A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party.
After knocking back a few drinks, he goes over to the new guy and asks him: ''So... how do you like using second hand stuff?''
To which the new husband replied: ''It isn't that bad. Past the first 3 inches, it's all brand new.''
***
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, ''Can I smell your p**sy?''
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, ''Certainly not!''
''Hmmm,'' he replies. ''It must be your feet, then.''
***
The Englishman says, ''I've got ten children, one more and I'll have a football team.''
The American says, ''I've got fourteen children, one more and I'll have a rugby team.'' The Arabian says, ''I've got seventeen wives, one more and I'll have a golf course.''
***
A blonde and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became bored. ''Hey, let's play a game'' she said.
''What game?'' was his bored reply.
''Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me.''
''What if I can't find you?''
''I'll be behind the piano.''
***
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

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