One Liners

One woman stops a taxi- To the airport, please.
After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says: You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.
Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.
Well, you haven't arrived to the airport yet neither.
***
Your Name?
Abu Dalah Sarafi.
Sex?
Four times a week.
No, no, no male or female?
Male, female... sometimes camel.
***
A company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs, at different levels, some climbing up, some climbing down.
The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
***
A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: Five percent said it was to get a glass of water. Twelve percent said it was to go to the bathroom. Eighty-three percent said it was to go home.
***
Jim says, ''My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason.''
Steve says, ''Why's that?''
Jim says, ''Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit.''
***
Judge: You want to divorce your husband for threatening you with a deadly weapon?
Wife: You got me wrong your honor. I'm divorcing him for threatening me with every night with a dead weapon.
***
A drunken man was casually taking a piss into a drinking fountain in the park. A police officer comes up to him and yells frantically.
''What the hell do you think your doing. There's a public toilet 20 meters from here!''
The man, amazed, yells back. ''What do you think I have, a hose?''
***
Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
A: Magnets have a positive side!
***
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
***
Q: What do you have when you have two balls in your hand?
A: A man's undivided attention!

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