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One Liners

One woman stops a taxi- To the airport, please.
After ten minutes the taxi driver, watching the woman in the mirror, says: You are third pregnant woman that I have driven to the airport today.
Are you kidding me, I am not pregnant.
Well, you haven't arrived to the airport yet neither.
Your Name?
Abu Dalah Sarafi.
Four times a week.
No, no, no male or female?
Male, female... sometimes camel.
A company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs, at different levels, some climbing up, some climbing down.
The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: Five percent said it was to get a glass of water. Twelve percent said it was to go to the bathroom. Eighty-three percent said it was to go home.
Jim says, ''My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason.''
Steve says, ''Why's that?''
Jim says, ''Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit.''
Judge: You want to divorce your husband for threatening you with a deadly weapon?
Wife: You got me wrong your honor. I'm divorcing him for threatening me with every night with a dead weapon.
A drunken man was casually taking a piss into a drinking fountain in the park. A police officer comes up to him and yells frantically.
''What the hell do you think your doing. There's a public toilet 20 meters from here!''
The man, amazed, yells back. ''What do you think I have, a hose?''
Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
A: Magnets have a positive side!
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: What do you have when you have two balls in your hand?
A: A man's undivided attention!

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