Marriage & Relationship Jokes

What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional
man who will just love them for who they are.
What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only
because no other woman wants him.

What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee
Anderson; Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome off
a flag pole.

What men get: Someone who immediately begins to gain those 80 extra
lbs the moment after she says I Do, beginning with the wedding cake!

What women want in bed: A passionate lover who takes the time to kiss
and gently caress, slowly building up to a wonderful joyous experience
together.

What they get: Wham-Bam-Thank-You Ma'am!, Belch, Fart, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What men expect out of a marriage: 3 loving children who honor their
parents.
What they get: 3 helions who are a combination of their parents every
fault and make their life a living hell.

1st anniversary card from husband to wife: My sweet loving wife....I
hope this first year is a reflection of the next 60 years, you are my heart
and soul, I am forever yours.

5th anniversary card: I love you so much honey...words cannot describe.

10th anniversary card: Hey, how's it hangin'? Love Ya'!!

15th anniversary card: Ummmmmmmmm......'sup?

16th anniversary card from wife to husband: You are hereby summoned
to divorce proceedings...

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