Food & Drink Jokes

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection.


A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.


The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.


Hold Johnny, (our six-week-old son), while I get my sandwich, she said.


I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. And I had no napkin.


I licked it off.


It was *not* mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster.


It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding.


With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.


Later my wife said, Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'

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