Miscellaneous Jokes

A rather chubby fellow was reading the paper one-day lamenting the
fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is
an advertis*ment for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed my
ass he thinks to himself. But let's see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 pound weight
loss program.


The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there
stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19-year-old babe dressed in
nothing but a pair of Nike's and a sign hanging around her neck. She
introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The
sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well without a
second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and
puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are
through, he thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
does business.


For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens
each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself, and sure enough he has
lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat slender physique,
not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back and
subscribes to their 5 day, 20 pound weight loss program. He thinks that
losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by
what their workout schedule might be like this time. As expected, the
next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there
stands a 22-year-old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reebok's
and a sign around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful
woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of
the weight loss company. The sign reads If you can catch me, you can
have me. He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape
and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does it is worth
every cramp and wheeze. He is really looking forward to the next four
days.... For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same
thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he
weighs himself and, unbelievable, he has lost another 20 pounds. I love
this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew losing weight could be
so easy and so much fun! Feeling much better about himself, he decides
to go for broke and subscribe to the company's 7 day, 50 pound weight
loss program.


Are you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone.


This is our most rigorous program.


Absolutely, says he, I love your program. I haven't felt this good in
years! The next day there comes a knock at his door and he
enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him Richard Simmons
dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He
introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company.


The sign reads, If I catch you, your as* is mine!

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