Travel Jokes

Barbie's Letter To Santa:


Dear Santa,


Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your as* every year, being
the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December
and dressing in fake Channel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it
to ya', Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes
around here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me,
you don't wanna be around to smell it.


These are my demands for Christmas 1999:


1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.


2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!


3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him; bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boy-toy, Ken. And what was up with that earring anyway? HELLO!?!


4. It's about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give me arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.


5. Breast reduction surgery. 'Nuff said.


6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.


7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher make real money.


8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe PMS Barbie, complete with a pint of cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips.


9. No more McDonald's endors*ments. The grease is wrecking my vinyl complexion.


10. Mattel stock options. It's been 40 years - I think I deserve a piece of the action.


Considering my valuable contribution to society and Mattel, I think these demands are reasonable. If you don't like it, you can find yourself a new b*tch for next Christmas. It's that simple.


As ever,

Barbie

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