Religion Jokes

Taoism: s**t happens.


Confucianism: Confucius, he say: s**t happens.


Buddhism: If s**t happens, it isn't really s**t.


Zen Buddhism: s**t is, and is not.


Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of s**t happening?


Hinduism: This s**t has happened before.


Islam: If s**t happens, it is the will of Allah.


Islam #2: If s**t happens, take another hostage.


Islam #3: If s**t happens, blame Israel.


Catholicism: If s**t happens, you deserve it.


Protestantism: Let s**t happen to someone else.


Presbyterian: This s**t was bound to happen.


Episcopalian: It's not so bad if s**t happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.


Methodist: It's not so bad if s**t happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.


Congregationalist: s**t that happens to one person is just as good as s**t that happens to another.


Unitarian: s**t that happens to one person is just as bad as s**t that happens to another.


Lutheran: If s**t happens, don't talk about it.


Fundamentalism: If s**t happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)


Fundamentalism #2: If s**t happens to a televangelist, it's okay.


Fundamentalism #3: s**t must be born again.


Judaism: Why does this s**t always happen to me?


Calvinism: s**t happens because you don't work.


Seventh Day Adventism: No s**t shall happen on Saturday.


Seventh Day Hoppist: Hop, s**t and Jump.


Creationism: God made all s**t.


Secular Humanism: s**t evolves.


Christian Science: When s**t happens, don't call a doctor - pray!


Christian Science #2: s**t happening is all in your mind.


Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this s**t.


Quakers: Let us not fight over this s**t.


Utopianism: This s**t does not stink.


Darwinism: This s**t was once food.


Capitalism: That's MY s**t.


Communism: It's everybody's s**t.


Feminism: Men are s**t.


Chauvinism: We may be s**t, but you can't live without us...


Commercialism: Let's package this s**t.


Impressionism: From a distance, s**t looks like a garden.


Idolism: Let's bronze this s**t.


Existentialism: s**t doesn't happen; s**t IS.


Existentialism #2: What is s**t, anyway?


Stoicism: This s**t is good for me.


Hedonism: There is nothing like a good s**t happening!


Mormonism: God sent us this s**t.


Mormonism #2: This s**t is going to happen again.


Wiccan: As it harm none, let s**t happen.


Scientology: If s**t happens, see Dianetics, Section 2, Chapter 4, p.157.


Jehovah's Witnesses: (Knock) (Knock) s**t happens.


Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our s**t?


Jehovah's Witnesses #3: s**t has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.


Moonies: Only really happy s**t happens.


Hare Krishna: s**t happens, rama rama ding ding.


Rastafarianism: Let's smoke dis s**t!


Zoroastrianism: s**t happens half of the time.


Church of SubGenius: BoB .


Practical: Deal with s**t one day at a time.


Agnostic: s**t might have happened; then again, maybe not.


Agnostic #2: Did someone s**t?


Agnostic #3: What is this s**t?


Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.


Atheism: What s**t?


Atheism #2: I can't believe this s**t!


Nihilism: No s**t.

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