Men & Women Jokes

Every day I give thanks to the Goddess

I have two mounds upon my bodice

I shave my legs, I sit down to pee

I can justify any shopping spree

Not to a barber, but a beauty salon

Can get a massage without a hard on

Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas

Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass



I always save money by using coupons

Can admit to others when I am wrong

Don't drive in circles at any cost

So I don't have to admit when I am lost

Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon

Every time I go to the john



Let me tell you men

Listen to me boys

Those things in your pants

That you treat as toys

You love them more than we ever will

We would rather suck on a cold pickle dill



I spend two hours preparing for a date

Only to find you're two hours late

I don't watch movies with lots of gore

Don't need instant replay to remember the score

I won't lose my hair

I don't get jock itch

And just cause I am assertive

Don't call me a b*tch



I don't wear the same underwear everyday

The food in my fridge has no sign of decay

I don't go to Sears

To look at the tools

I don't cheat at poker

I follow the rules



I don't smoke cigars

Don't pay for drinks at bars

I don't punch my friends just to say Hi

And it's o.k. for me to cry



I know all you men

Think that you're IT

But compared to a woman

You just ain't s**t!

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