Sexuality Jokes
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work
out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What
do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair
of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt
with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo
and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes,
smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle
your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my
warm skin. I'm rubbing you're bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in
your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you
have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the
clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are
erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the
clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all
over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm l*cking your, you know, breasts.
They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your
ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry; Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my
blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard
tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out
nibbling on you're...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the
cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed aching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now
I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the
bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies
pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the ,glasses on
the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and
toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I
lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't
find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again.
I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you
know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck.
Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my as* back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it
another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my
face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my w*lly all floppy. I'm
going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear.
Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling
along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your
candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your
candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked
look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart:
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