Test Jokes

Are YOU A HARD MAN?

1/. When reaching your sexual climax do you?

a) Make low moaning sounds in her ear.
b) Suck on her neck to produce a love bite.
c) Shove your thumb up her a*se so she screams her t*ts off.

2/. You're in bed one night and she whispers I love you. Do you?

a) Whisper back I love you too.
b) Put your a*se on her leg and fart.
c) Say Go to sleep dog breath.


3/. After you have made love to your wife do you?

a) Hold her in your arms until she falls asleep.
b) Wipe your d*ck on her nightie and turn over.
c) Tell the b*tch to go get in with the kids.

4/. If you break wind during the night do you?

a) Try and cough at the same time and hope she didn't hear.
b) Hold her head under the covers laughing your bo11ocks off. c)
Blame her and give her a boot.

5/. If she breaks wind do you?

a) Be a gentleman and pretend you didn't hear.
b) Clout the b*tch.
c) Say you dirty b*tch and shove her out in the back yard.

6/. You come home early and find her in bed with a big buck negro.
Do you? a) Close the door quietly and clear off. b) Join in and
stick it up the negro's arse. c) Dowse them both with petrol and
set fire to the c**ts.

7/. Your toilet's in the bathroom, you're busting for a cr*p and
she's in the bath. Do you?

a) Go next door and use theirs.
b) Yell Move it goat face, the fkin tortoise head's out of the
shell. c) Sit next to her making noises like a flock of starlings
taking off.

8/. You want sex but it's rag week. Do you?

a) Wait until next week.
b) w*nk.
c) Get your face in there and come up looking like the man on the
Ribena ad.

9/. She announces she is leaving you. Do you?

a) Break down in tears and beg her to stay.
b) Put up streamers and arrange a street party.
c) Empty your nostrils in her face, kick her in the c**t, then get
p*ssed.

10/. She tells you she's having an unwanted baby. Do you?

a) Tell her not to worry, we'll manage somehow.
b) Belt her in the guts with a cricket bat.
c) Sell the house, clean out the bank account and scarper.

SCORE: a) 1. b) 2. c) 3.

0 - 15. If brains were spuds, you'd own Ireland.
15 - 29. You must try harder.
30. Congrats. You're one of the boys.

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