Miscellaneous Jokes

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wellsburg, Iowa, received a check
for USD1,000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to
go into the not raising hogs business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of
farm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not to
raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping
with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise
razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I would
just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an
accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the
business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the
best he ever made on them was USD442.00 in 1968, until this year when he
got your check for USD1,000.00 for not raising hogs.

If I get USD1,000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get USD2,000.00 for
not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first,
holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean
about USD80,000.00 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing. These hogs I will not be raising will not eat
100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for
not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not
raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to
raise?

I want to get started as soon as possible as this seems to be a good
time of the year not to raise hogs and grain.

Also, I am considering the not milking cows business, so send me
any information on that too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be
totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.


Patriotically yours,


Jean Partridge

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