Miscellaneous Jokes
Best Analogies Ever Written Originally from a Washintgon Post Contest Winners of the worst a**logies ever written in a high school essaycontest. (Actually most of them are similes --but... whatever)He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, likea guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse withoutone of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around thecountry speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking ata solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.(Joseph Romm, Washington)She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches thatused to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever youbanged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way abowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bagfilled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had aneerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in anothercity and Jeopardy comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (RoyAshley, Washington)Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in thecenter. (Russell Beland, Springfield)Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to accessT:flw.quid55328.comaaakk/ch@ung but gets T:flw.quidaaakk/ch@ungby mistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Unknown)He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, ChevyChase)The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots whenyou fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was amovie this guy would be buried in the credits as something likeSecond Tall Man. (Russell Beland, Springfield)Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers racedacross the grassy field toward each other like two freighttrains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after theDr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fencesthat resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds whohad also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thinsheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in aplay. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking allianceslike underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith,Woodbridge)The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
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